“Life is much more fun when you are a participant. So, parents, join in on the fun!” - Blake Ausmus

How often do we feel stuck in life, feeling as though it’s not much more than putting one foot in front of the other as we go through the motions of each day, week, or year? It can be mundane and depleting at times. When we focus on our responsibilities, stress increases. Particularly when we perceive that these are beyond our control and simply never-ending. All too easily, we get caught in the hustle and bustle of the daily tasks and routine. Yet, we never seem to have enough time to finish all the things on our to-do list.

Some of the best life advice I was given was just to accept the fact that I will never accomplish all the things I feel I need to do. So, let’s look to prioritize the important things! But as you make your list of truly necessary things in your life, be sure to include hobbies.

Finding Hobbies

In my experience as a psychologist, I often find that people struggle to find a hobby when I challenge them to do so. I mean, really struggle to the point where many never really find things to fill their lives (outside of those responsibilities mentioned before). But those that do are the ones that see significant improvements in their mental health. I really mean this: hobbies can give us purpose and tremendously boost our quality of life.

From my own experiences in my family, we default to mostly screen time when we aren’t engaged in hobbies. I usually don’t feel good after a doom-scrolling session. But it is what fills my time when I am not doing something more meaningful. I see it happen to my wife and each of my kids, too. We notice that saying, “Turn off the screens'' isn't nearly as effective as, “Do you want to go do something with me?”

Hobbies as a Family

I know that I have suggested hobbies to my kids, hoping they’ll enjoy some of my preferred activities as much as I have. For example, I have my children enrolled in Spanish Bilingual schools so they can learn a second language. I have pushed for them to take piano lessons. I take them to church activities regularly because these are things that I have valued, and I hope they will also benefit from them.

But it also goes the other way, and I am finding hobbies for myself through my family, too. This is shaping me to be more well-rounded than I would otherwise have been. So, my advice to parents is: make your family your hobby and find things you can do together. I looked at my life and thought, how many things do I just drive my kids to and wait in the car? Why don’t we jump in on the action as parents?

Related to the above point - I train in Taekwon Do with my son in his class. It is a great way to be involved in an activity that my nine-year-old son and I can enjoy together. I routinely see half a dozen or so parents standing outside the class, looking in as they ensure their kids get to benefit from the classes. I am happy to actually be in the room with the kids, trying to keep up as I huff, puff, and sweat. In my last class, one of the young kids asked why I was sweating so hard after just the warm-up. I tried to say it was because I put in so much effort, but we all know it’s because, for me, it takes way more effort to keep up with them. 🥱

The thing I have really gotten out of this is increased confidence. It feels so good to get promotions and improve my skill set. Not only that, it is a fantastic exercise that helps to tone my body. It challenges my mind in ways that frankly stopped once I finished school. Of course, I struggle to find the motivation to go on some days. And during class, I find myself thinking it is almost torture to have to do another ten push-ups. But, when I see my son pushing himself, I find it in me to follow his example of an indomitable spirit.

It’s one thing to see your child promoted to the next level. It’s a different feeling when you’re promoting alongside them. Some aspects are easier for him, like chin-ups and overall endurance. And there are some things where I have a clear advantage, like breaking boards with a powerful kick. I think this has an impact on our dynamic: he knows there are things he’s better at than I am, and vice versa. I see this as a healthy thing for both of us.  I notice that doing it with him not only pushes me, but I see how I am an influence on him as well. We get stronger together. Life is much more fun when you are a participant. So, parents, join in on the fun!

In another example of getting involved, I watched my daughter’s basketball team have a great season last year and eventually win the gold medal match. So this year, I decided I wanted to take part in all the action. I emailed the principal on the first day of school and asked if I could help. Now, I volunteer as the coach for my daughter’s middle school basketball team.

I must admit, I am enjoying it so much that I would consider doing it even if my child wasn’t involved. It is just a bonus that she and I get to do it together. It’s interesting how, as a coach, when I ask her to stop what she’s doing and listen to me, it happens immediately. Along with her teammates, they’ll drop and do pushups or run laps at my request. At home ... not as much! 🤣

I’ve gotten to know some of her classmates and teachers at a much more personal level. This way, I get to be a bigger part of her world. It’s really nice to have a part of our relationship that is more than just her asking permission for things and me trying to keep her out of trouble. Yes, I’m still her parent, but now I get to be more than just that.

Watching her do so well last year was so much fun for me. You parents out there know what I’m talking about; seeing your child succeed at something is one of the best feelings in the world. But I have to say; it feels even better to be on the bench with the team. I get to be a part of it all. And when I see these girls implement something I taught them and get a small victory, it’s an emotion that is next level.

Hidden Benefits

I have already expressed some of the great benefits I see from sharing hobbies with my kids and getting more involved. But some of the benefits are less clear until you are experiencing it yourself. Firstly, even though these hobbies take hours out of my days, it seems I get even more accomplished each week. I don’t completely understand why, but when I’m busier doing these things, I am more productive in other areas of my life.

Depending on the hobby, there may be costs associated with them. But if you’re doing them together, there are a lot of ways to ease the financial burden. For example, some organizations let your child participate for free or at a discounted rate if you are a parent volunteer. Other activities have family discounts.

If you’re like me, it can be tough to follow through with commitments. Maybe a membership to the YMCA seems great at first, but after a couple of weeks, it’s hard to get motivated. I can say in my experience when my children are involved, we motivate each other. I am much more likely to follow through when I know I will have to take my child there anyway. And the same goes for them!

Lastly, I want to mention that I notice greater confidence in social settings. As people get to know who my family is, they realize the things that are important to us. Hobbies make a person interesting! This will make social interaction easier.

My Advice

So, my advice is to have hobbies! And if you are a parent, participate in those activities we push our kids to do. I do need to clarify one thing here. It doesn’t have to be your children specifically! I have a client who has no children of his own but is still coaching the basketball team of a good friend’s child. There are so many good things to come from it! 

Here are a few examples of hobbies to share depending on the age of your child(ren):

• Preschool Age (0-6 years)

• Read stories together.

• Arts and crafts – just check YouTube or Pinterest; you don’t need to be creative.

• How long since you’ve spent a full hour building with LEGO?

• Elementary School Age (6-12 years)

• Play sports that you can plan together, even if you have no history with it. They might be learning for the first time, too.

• Coding and Arduino projects – Google it!

• Geocaching is free and can be found all over the place.

• Middle School Age (12-15 years)

• Musical collaboration can happen during Family Jam Time.

• Read and discuss books as a family book club.

• Find a cause where you can volunteer together.

• High School Age (15-18 years)

• Travel can include learning about places you’d like to visit, whether you make it there or not.

• Fun dining - next time you eat out, make a rule that it must be a place you’ve never been to.

• Financial literacy – create a portfolio of stocks or cryptocurrencies you can follow and make a competition out of it. (Think fantasy football - but for the financial market!)

I hope this leaves you feeling inspired and empowered to delve into new hobbies with your kids. 💙

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