“Try to remember that every “Why?” is a child making room to learn about how the world works.” - Allana Shewfelt

Previously, I shared my number one tip for connecting with kids. It sums up this way: I have the emotional availability to honour children’s feelings because I have the time and space to honour my own.

While I think self-care is a critical skill to develop, there are many other ways to connect with kids. Many of these ideas can work for parents, babysitters, therapists, and anyone else who may frequently be around children. Want to be a child whisperer? Here are three more ways I get kids to like me and how you can get them to like you, too.

1. Show Interest In Their Interests

Do you remember the name of Bluey’s sister? Do you know if your child prefers ninjas or unicorns? When was the last time you did an obstacle course?

It might seem silly, trivial, or completely beyond your capacity. Still, if you learn to take an interest in the things children care about, you can find shared topics, and shared language, and have more meaningful interactions.

When kids are excited, I’m excited too. 

Do I love doing all the things kids are interested in? Not really, but I’ll still engage if I can see it matters. This can be conversation, but it can also be pretend play, crafts, or letting them teach you about their interest. It can be as simple as a genuine, “That is so amazing!”

For example, I recently learned a lot about a game called Fortnite. I had multiple children telling me about the way you can dress up characters in “skins'' and make them dance or “emote.” So now, when I want to engage with kids who play Fortnite, I have two questions that instantly help me learn something about them:

“What’s your favourite Fortnite skin?”

“Can you do any Fortnite dances?”

The in-game outfits they choose help me learn more about their interests, like music, movies, and TV shows. You can dress yourself up like Spider-Man, for example. When they show me the dances they know, then I get them up and moving around. Sometimes they feel like teaching me, and we can have a laugh at an “old person” (I’m only 27!) trying to be cool.

While it doesn’t need to embarrass you, the more “into it” you are; generally, the more responsive kids are. This leads to the second way I connect with kids.

2. Be Silly, Be Genuine

I’m not afraid to make a mess. I’m not afraid to make mistakes. I’m willing to be silly and play pretend. I’ll put on a funny voice, and I’ll dress up in a weird costume.

As an adult, you may feel uncomfortable at first; that’s normal. We live in a world where we are expected to be serious, goal-driven, and perfect. There are a lot of pressures to “grow up” and little space for “messing around.” If you can quell your internal judgments and learn to ignore curious stares from others, you can find that being honest about making mistakes and being a goofball is a huge motivator for children.

Here’s an example:

A child is interested in pirates and loves to run and jump around. They want me to play pirates and jump on the trampoline with them. Unfortunately, I don’t know much about pirates (and I can’t jump on a trampoline without almost peeing my pants 😑.) 

So what can I do? 

I can show interest by adapting and being “into it,” even if I’m not playing exactly the way the child wants. I can’t jump with them, but I can stand on the ground and throw soft toys over the net. “Yarr, it will be me, Blackbeard! I’ve washed ashore with me mateys and I’ve brought me mighty cannonballs! Get to dodgin’, or I’ll make ye walk the plank!”

Young kids especially can find this style of character embodiment extremely funny. You’ll likely be asked to play the same game repeatedly for a few weeks. Get ready for the pirate life!

If you get tired of the repetition, tell them why and offer something new. To accomplish this, engage in the third tip.

3. Fulfill Their Curiosity

Children are sponges; each porous cavity is a holding cell for new knowledge. But, the chamber has to be emptied before it can be filled. So try to remember that every “Why?” is a child making room to learn about how the world works.

I try to explain my thoughts and actions out loud. While this train-of-thought dialogue seems unexciting, it helps children connect the dots. Over time, they learn to make logical connections, problem-solve, and find their own answers. 

I try to avoid phrases that discourage their curiosity:

“Because I said so.”

“Those are the rules.”

“That’s just how it is.”

Rather, I simplify what might feel complex, respond with questions they already have the answer to, and find out the reason when I truly don’t know.

Here’s an example of a conversation I had with a child, Sam, who was around 7 years old. 

Sam: “Why can’t we eat candy for dinner?”

Me: “Candy gives us a little energy; vegetables and grains give us a lot of energy. We need a lot of energy to keep our bodies running.”

Sam: “Why can’t we just eat LOTS of candy?”

Me: “Do you remember what happens to your teeth when you eat lots and lots of candy?”

Sam: “The dentist said it gives them holes.”

Me: “That’s right. So, candy is made of simple stuff, like sugar. Too much can hurt our teeth and tummies. We need complex stuff to keep us strong.”

Sam: “Why? What stuff?”

Me: “That’s a good question! How about you and I take out a book from the library, or play a game on the computer? It can help us find out all the stuff our bodies need.”

Children seem to have limitless “Whys” that we can use to our advantage. Redirect their curiosity and help them answer their own questions. 

So to develop more child-whisperer traits…  remember to show interest, be silly and genuine, and connect to their curiosity! 

More tips are on their way! Come back again for additional information on connecting with kids and teens too.

If you could use additional support in this area, click HERE to contact us or call us at 587-333-6349 💙.

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Our content is for informational and educational purposes and is not a replacement for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you're facing mental health concerns, please seek help from a qualified professional for personalized guidance. Every individual's situation is unique, so use the information here at your discretion. While we strive for accuracy, the field of psychology is ever-evolving, and our content may not always reflect the latest research. Please prioritize your privacy by avoiding sharing personal information in comments or interactions. Your well-being is our top concern, so use our content for educational purposes, but remember to rely on professionals for your specific needs.