“Feelings are actually messages that help us tune in to the severity of a situation or some of our underlying unmet needs...” - Kayla Taylor

Have you ever felt so stressed that you just wanted to scream or run away? Are you so overwhelmed that you become totally frozen or immobilized? 

Or how about feeling powerless when something outside of your control happens, and you cannot escape the feelings that come with it? 

Sometimes, we are faced with extremely difficult circumstances, and naturally, we have big or uncomfortable feelings. Feelings are actually messages that help us tune in to the severity of a situation or some of our underlying unmet needs that are screaming for attention. Feelings shouldn’t be feared or avoided, even when they are big or undesirable. 

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage one's feelings (and the emotions of others). Sometimes, managing feelings is also called Emotional Regulation.  

Emotional intelligence and emotional regulation are typically not things that we are directly taught in childhood.  Do you ever remember your parents or other adults in your life helping you understand why you felt angry, where or how you felt it in your body, and what you might have needed to help manage that feeling or an underlying need?  Likely not.  Nothing against our parents.  Negative emotions are not that comfortable, so we don’t tend to tolerate a lot of feelings or big feelings well.  But not accepting our feelings or the messages they provide means that we resist them.  We resist them but then keep feeling them over and over, sometimes with even more intensity than before.  What is the point of that? 

When we learn acceptance for our feelings, we learn acceptance for ourselves.  

I like to think about therapy as providing a chance to learn about feelings and practice those skills in emotional intelligence and regulation within a safe and non-judgemental space and relationship.  When you trust your therapist and know that you are secure in that relationship, you don’t have to worry about what they will think and how they will act (or the possibility that they will reject or abandon you).  It presents opportunities to feel truly heard and seen and build comfort with some of those BIG emotions you may experience. This helps us feel more regulated in almost every other aspect of life as well.  

A wise young client once said: “Life is full of hurdles, and we need to learn how to jump.”  (M.D., age 11). 

This client compared their emotions to hurdles, noting that in the same way a coach can help you learn skills and advise you on how best to run and jump to win a race, so too can a therapist provide techniques and advice that allows you to notice and feel your emotions without letting them hold you back.

At Sano State Psychology, we are always happy to help.  Get in touch with us HERE or by calling 587-333-6349. 💙

Disclaimer

Our content is for informational and educational purposes and is not a replacement for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you're facing mental health concerns, please seek help from a qualified professional for personalized guidance. Every individual's situation is unique, so use the information here at your discretion. While we strive for accuracy, the field of psychology is ever-evolving, and our content may not always reflect the latest research. Please prioritize your privacy by avoiding sharing personal information in comments or interactions. Your well-being is our top concern, so use our content for educational purposes, but remember to rely on professionals for your specific needs.

Edited and reformatted for 2025