"The next time you have the chance to lend a hand, do it with intention and an open heart." - Kristen Nash

The 12 Days of Hope started 40 years ago with our parents and five kids. Our mom, a full-time nurse, had a colleague whose family needed distraction from months of heartache. 

Starting December 13, 1984 we tried our best to match the lyrics of the 12 Days of Christmas with outrageous gifts: “On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear tree” was a frozen turkey strung up in their front yard tree and a bottle of homemade canned pears on the front porch…(back then this kind of thing was acceptable). On the second day, two wrapped boxes of turtles. You get the idea.

Each night until the 12th night, Christmas Eve, we’d drop, ring, and run. Our family didn’t know their family, so our part seemingly ended with each drop. It was fun, but then we’d go to bed. Done and done.

What we didn’t expect was the feedback our mom got at work. The Operating Room was buzzing every morning as the nurse shared stories of the wild gifts that were dropped the night before, and how, for a brief moment each night, their worries dissipated. Our mom would hear about how their kids waited by the window trying to identify the chaos outside. Doctors, nurses, and porters alike wanted to hear every detail and guess what the next drop would be. 

After work, she’d relay all this to us. It was the highlight at our house too and made subsequent drops more exciting. We couldn’t wait!

For 12 days, a unit at the hospital, a family in need, and our little family united in a full circle of humanity and enveloped everyone with empathy and love for strangers.

The nurse never knew it was us but mentioned it at her husband’s funeral months later and how much it meant to their family. We never forgot.

At the time, we didn’t realize that we were engaged in a social experiment. Hearing the other side and understanding how deeply impacted people were for the anonymous act of kindness was the magic that energized a whole lot of people that year and continues to be the driving force behind the 12 Days of Hope, 40 years later. 

Anthropologist Joel Savishinsky describes helping others as, “The perfect symmetry of altruism that allows us to offer our time, which is a gift that can never be reclaimed, in exchange for other people’s gratitude, which is a reward that can rarely be bought”.

When we do kind things, the “giver’s high” is amazing. If you’re struggling with mental health issues, think about incorporating an act of service as one of your tools to combat feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, and anxiety. It sounds counterproductive to step outside yourself and help others when you are barely keeping your head above water, but the benefits can be extraordinary. 

A series of studies has explored this fascinating connection between helping and well-being. One study revealed that daily acts of kindness are linked to a boost in the helper’s well-being, an effect that is amplified when these acts fulfill basic psychological needs like feeling competent, connected, and in control. 

Another study showed that having the freedom to choose how and when to help leads to more positive outcomes compared to helping because of pressure or obligation. Acts of helping driven by genuine intention benefit not just the giver but also the recipient, strengthening relationships and fostering meaningful support. 

Lastly, when motivation to help was intentionally shaped—either towards authentic care or obligation—helpers felt more satisfied, and recipients experienced more meaningful support when kindness stemmed from the heart.

Giving does not need to be onerous. You never know what can spark from the smallest actions. My mom saw a need and filled it with silly gifts and her family of volunteers. It made such an impact on my brother and me that we’ve carried on the tradition. What started as one family helping one family has grown into raising over $600,000 and helping numerous families over 20 years.  A small grass roots has grown exponentially because of the giver’s high.  We provide similar feedback that we got from our mom to our volunteers through nightly emails. Even though we are anonymous, we connect personally with each family, and they let us know how our effort helps them. It is a highlight of December for all of us. 

Although hearing the other side is awesome, it is not necessary. Typically, we rarely see the benefit of our help. The gravity of the impact is the same. We all have a story of someone who gave us a hug or a compliment or sent a text on a hard day that changed the way we viewed our situation.

If you want to improve your mental health? 

• Start by trying to see a need around you and implementing ways to fill it. 

• Try keeping a journal of progress you see as you move forward in the world, helping others with intentionality and authenticity. 

• Choose acts of kindness that align with your values and interests. 

• Think of helping as a way to strengthen bonds with others and embrace the opportunity to make a difference. 

• Serving others isn’t just about doing good for the world—it’s also a way to nurture your own happiness and well-being.

The next time you have the chance to lend a hand, do it with intention and an open heart. You might be surprised by how much it lifts your own spirits while brightening someone else’s day. Let’s create a ripple of kindness that benefits us all. Start small, and start today!

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