From Stuck to Successful: The Key to Behaviour Change and Motivation

...next time you're struggling with a behaviour or task that you don’t like, consider your deeper needs. What truly matters to you? What motivates you? Is it internal or external? - Kayla Taylor

As a psychologist and generally pretty inquisitive person, I am fascinated by (and have a honed skillset in) helping others determine what motivates them, why, and then how to make changes to better their life… or at least their mental health. 

At the most foundational level, when we are struggling with mental health in some way, we are often struggling with thoughts, feelings, or behaviours – and often some combination of all of those. But the most frequent presenting concerns have to do with actions or behaviours:

• I can’t complete tasks (or don’t have enough focus)

• I don’t have enough motivation (to complete the tasks)

• I don’t sleep well (and then can’t complete tasks) 

• I am too negative and critical (and this hinders my ability to complete things or be in healthy, positive relationships)

• I am impulsive (and therefore don’t make good decisions)

• I am reactive or don’t have coping skills (and therefore don’t make good decisions)

• I am indecisive (or cannot make decisions)

• I don’t have enough energy (to complete the tasks)

• I am simply NOT at my best (most frequently measured by achievements) 

See the pattern here? Even though thoughts and feelings are always at play alongside behaviours, most people care the most about the observable outcomes – in other words – the behaviour change itself. 

I am going to break this down into one thing: At the foundation is motivation. 

And I don’t just mean how much we want something or how much physical energy we have to get it done.

I mean the deeper level of what truly matters to any given person. There are usually some universal categories here like:

• Basic (physiological) needs being met

• Love and sense of belonging

• Health, wellness, and longevity

• Financial and physical stability and security

• Intellectual challenge and seeking knowledge, etc 

We have both individual and social motivators. For instance, we desperately crave companionship and safety within relationships, but hopefully not to the detriment of our own sense of self and our values (what is often termed ‘codependency’). 

To simplify, we can consider it internal and external motivation, which you may have heard of as intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Let’s define these:

• Internal / Intrinsic Motivation – doing tasks because YOU want to do them (or it satisfies you).

• External / Extrinsic Motivation – doing tasks because others want you to, or you’ll get some reward for doing so (even if that reward is simply someone else’s satisfaction). 

This stems from Self-Determination Theory (SDT), which identifies three basic needs at the heart of human motivation and personality: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. That list above that outlines what truly matters to people? Look at it again and you’ll notice that all of those fit into one or more of these three basic needs.  SDT (and particularly autonomy) is an essential consideration in mental health, because the more in control a person feels in their own life, generally the higher their ratings on scales of wellbeing. A sense of lack of control can also contribute to post-traumatic stress symptoms or disorder. 

Let’s look at an example. I had a client discussing household tasks/duties and her difficulty completing them consistently. This client has ADHD and often finds that the completion of household tasks does not give any satisfaction for her intrinsically. She does not, for instance, clean her house, look around, admire the work, and experience a felt sense of achievement. What she does notice, however, is that her partner is very thankful when she pitches in with household chores, for obvious reasons. And then, that feeling (of her partner being satisfied and pleased with the state of the home, etc.) is very motivating to her. So, she is operating by extrinsic motivation here.

Now, a lot of us have heard that intrinsic motivation is better. My thoughts on that? Do what works for you. Don’t be so hard on yourself! And if you are, maybe some work on self-compassion and re-framing thoughts could be helpful here. The thought, “I am so lazy; why can’t I get this house clean simply because I want to?” can become, “I don’t love housework, but that’s ok; I do love being helpful to my partner and living in a tidy space, so I will do this anyway.” 

So next time you're struggling with a behaviour or task that you don’t like, consider your deeper needs. What truly matters to you? What motivates you? Is it internal or external? It’ll help give you more understanding about yourself, which is more meaningful than simply trying to change a behaviour. And, consider giving some grace if you’ve been too hard on yourself… You got this!

If this is an area where you could use support, connect with us HERE or by calling

587-333-6349. 💙

Disclaimer

Our content is for informational and educational purposes and is not a replacement for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you're facing mental health concerns, please seek help from a qualified professional for personalized guidance. Every individual's situation is unique, so use the information here at your discretion. While we strive for accuracy, the field of psychology is ever-evolving, and our content may not always reflect the latest research. Please prioritize your privacy by avoiding sharing personal information in comments or interactions. Your well-being is our top concern, so use our content for educational purposes, but remember to rely on professionals for your specific needs.

Reference

Ackerman, C. E. (2024, September 17). Self-determination theory and how it explains motivation. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/self-determination-theory/